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| Name | What I've Learned About Estrangement |
| Video Uploader | Video From LifeWise by Dr. Jan Anderson |
| Upload Date | This Video Uploaded At 17-12-2023 14:40:21 |
| Video Discription | Parents call it estrangement. Adult children are more likely to call it no contact. #estrangement #nocontact #estranged What I've Learned About Parent Adult-Child Estrangement. Parents call it estrangement. Adult children are more likely to call it no contact. Regardless of what you call it, the near epidemic of adult children cutting off their parents is a thing. It used to happen primarily to parents who severely abused their children. Or your ex turned your kid against you or made them choose sides, and they didn't pick you. Today young adults seem to have more reasons than ever to break up with their parents. Nowadays, just as likely to be your daughter-in-law or son-in-law driving the estrangement. Or your adult child may decide to dump you based on differences in politics, personality or lifestyle. The cut-off may be accompanied by demands that you apologize, observe their boundaries, get your own therapy, or just go away. I wouldn't wish parent adult-child estrangement on my worst enemy. How estrangement really works. Estrangement is one of my specialties. I write about this incredibly painful topic often for MD-Update magazine and on social media. As my knowledge keeps evolving and unfolding, I keep sharing what I see and learned from this FGO (Freakin' Growth Opportunity) we call estrangement. the good news: Most of the traps parents fall into are due to people just being human. Even so, one of the great things about humans is that we are intelligent and adaptive. Our human nature may predispose us to fall into traps, but we are also pretty good at figuring out how to get out of them — and updating our mindset so we don't fall into the same trap again. Then, we will focus on two primary skills that can help you reduce the sheer suffering of estrangement and increase your chances of reconnection with your adult child. Two primary skills that can help you reduce the sheer suffering of estrangement and increase your chances of reconnection with your adult child. Mindset Update 1: Recognize that your adult child may be unwilling or unable to work on the relationship with you. Heck, do you know anyone who naturally good at conflict resolution? If your adult child is conflict-avoidant they may see the only way to handle the hot potato of conflict with an extreme form of avoidance — no contact. It may be extreme, but you have to admit a simple, black-and-white solution. If confronted, your adult child may display the annoyingly human tendency to get defensive and counterattack. They may find it easier to make you wrong or bad to justify their decision to cut you off. requires much less strategic thinking and negotiating skills. Mindset Update 2: Recognize that the balance of power has shifted. In the beginning, when your adult child starts saying and doing things you don't like, it's easy to forget that the balance of power has shifted. From a negotiating standpoint, you are now in a one-down position. an example. Your adult child may have a very different recollection of their childhood and perception of your parenting. The way your adult child remembers it or sees it now may not seem fair —or even accurate— to you. It's natural to feel a need to object or question your When feeling powerless, easy to fall prey to guilt trips, subtle pressure and other forms of manipulation. Here's why these covert power plays are so tempting: They may work! You may succeed at making your adult child feel guilty or pressured. Just don't expect that to make them then want to be with you. want to be around someone who makes them feel bad? What do you get when you go desperate? You that acts of sheer desperation would trigger some empathy from your adult child. One distraught father told me, my daughter could only see how much this estrangement is tearing me up, I think s stop doing this to me.My response? Don't count on it. Your daughter is more likely to accuse you of being a narcissist and making it all about you. The Bigger, Better Offer: Get more resilient. Get more strategic. The balance of power in your relationship may have shifted, but that mean you have to become a victim. There are ways you can reclaim some of your sanity and learn to strategize better so you increase your chances of getting what you really want: reconnection with your adult child. a two-****ged approach that focuses on building emotional resilience and strategic thinking skills. The magic of these two skills is that they play off and reinforce each other, so you can start with either one. The estranged parent’s superpower: Accept what is while simultaneously working for change. It can enable you to let go without giving up. It can allow you to go on with your life without abandoning hope. It can help you to love your child from a distance. It can even empower you to learn from the experience without being destroyed by it. |
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| Tags | life coaching | meditation | psychology | relationships | wellbeing | mindfulness | love | career | wellness |
