exurb1a

Oh hi. It's you.  I currently make Youtube videos with snatches of my time in between working and my other hobbies which include: working, managing a Mexican drug empire, and working. The second one arguably counts as work also, but what can I say; work you love is a hobby, right? I would prefer to make Youtube videos with not just my free time but my working time. As in, I'd like to do it as a job. With more time, I can put out better, more depressing, and hopefully slightly - though not very - funny content. This will include: more dick jokes, more dick jokes, and a great deal of exposition about my opinions on Faye Reagan. Which are numerous. I live in Eastern Europe and currently own: one pair of trousers, a shoe, and a snapped pencil called Tim. I saved up for some time to buy Tim and I'm quite worried about using him too often as he will wear down and I will be forced to invest my life savings in some kind of obscure new technology such as a pen. That is, if I'm going to do this full-time, I need almost nothing to live on.  That's the long and short of it, homeboy.  When I was young I wanted to be a musician, but I'm terrible at piano. So I decided to be a writer. I was atrocious at writing. I got a little older. Youtubing seems to be going all right. And by all right I mean mediocre content and angst.   I would like to do more of it, and better.  All the best and thanks for letting me waste your time,  With undying love and a little passive-aggressive resentment, Ex.

Free

I'd be more than happy to thank you via email, have a chat, shoot the breeze, etc. If you're ever in Eastern Europe we can go do a little drinking together, if that happens to be your pastime.

I'm not sure why you're doing this, but I'm grateful

As with the other rewards, the least I can do is reach out. It's a strange thing, giving strangers money, especially when their work is as pointless as mine. Nonetheless the effort is enormously appreciated, of course. I'll throw you my Steam handle, house keys, life savings, whatever. That was a joke of course; you can't have my Steam handle.

Now I'm even more confused about your motivations. You're exceptionally kind nonetheless

If you're a reader, drop me your email at exurb1achannel@gmail.com and I'll get my books over to you as Epub, Mobi, or PDF files—that's the least I can do. All I can say is I hope you enjoy short stories and poor plotting.

Why are you doing this. Why are you giving money to strangers

If you would like, we can have a little Skype chat. How about that? Now, I have very little to say, and even less desire to actually say it, but say it I will. I will also read bedtime stories, fan-fiction, or death threats. I'll also throw in the last 3 books: short stories and two novels guaranteed to suck out the last of your resolve to continue living. And a bag of gold. I'm lying about the bag of gold. It's a mere pouch I'm afraid. Beggars can't be choosers. You should count yourself lucky. Chump.

You are now essentially funding my poor excuse for an operation

Maybe you weren't aware (because you never take an interest in anything? Do you? It's all you, you, you) but I write piano music - <a href="https://soundcloud.com/exurbia-1" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">https://soundcloud.com/exurbia-1</a> 
 
And as a little thank you, I will gladly write you your very own piano piece. Just name the title and it's all yours - recorded on a grand piano. 
 
Everything else in previous rewards is obviously included, and you will have my eternal appreciation, and potential dibs on my first born.

This is getting ridiculous now

In the unlikely event anyone is this insane, I'd be happy to provide: Backflips, dark matter, personalised music,  a Skype chat, just name it. You'll have my dying, and undying love, as well as access to my apartment - though I can't tell you my address - and I'll send you a little novelty package of surprises, if you're kind enough to provide a shipping address.

exurb1a

Choose your membership

Recent posts by exurb1a