Being in both an interracial and international relationship can be extremely difficult. You have to deal with a language barrier and 2 cultural barriers. There is an endless amount of differences and problems that can arise due to a lack of cultural understanding. Japanese men can seem emotionless and mysterious to foreign women most of the time. Their "yes" can mean "no" and even when given the opportunity to be honest, it will normally be met with lies as their goal is to avoid causing an unwanted confrontation or making you feel sad or angry. Some guys are just jerks and others are "shy-jerks".
It can be very difficult to figure them out and tell what they are thinking. A date or a relationship that went horrible can lead to 20+ more before it finally fizzles out and you get ghosted for good. After having lived in Japan for multiple years I started to notice a pattern. There are some things that Japanese men instinctively do and don't do because of cultural differences when they really love you and there are other things that they do and don't do if they are just looking for quick, fun and easy sex.
As always, there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to relationships. Japanese men are still men and they are each individuals. However we can safely say that like most cultures their are some things that generally apply to all men within them. Here's a List of 20 (21) things that you can expect your man to do if he is not a player but is serious and committed to you.
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1.) He Makes Plans to See You in Advance
He makes elaborate plans to see you in advance. He doesn't wait until the last minute to schedule a date with you. He puts actual thought and effort into what he plans to do and where you will eat and drink. He wants to make sure that you will be free and have enough time to stay out with him.
2.) He Tries to Physically Impress You
He wants to look good for you on your dates by dressing nicely and showing you that he is husband material and can take care of you. Not only does this guy make elaborate plans for the two of you, but he chooses an expensive restaurant that serves your favorite food, if you stay at a love hotel he chooses an expensive suite, and because he knows how much you like art he purchases tickets for the nicest one he can find.
3.) He Wants to Meet You During The Daytime
4.) He Doesn't Always Want to Have Sex During or After Your Date
5.) He Brags About You And Calls You His Girlfriend in Public
6.) He Makes Plans for You To Meet His Family
7.) He Worries About Your Public Image
8.) He Worries About The Language Barrier
He secretly or privately studies English. He is constantly apologizing for his lack of English skills (even if he is fluent) because he loves you and wants to be understood and accepted by you so he judges himself a bit harshly when it comes to his language ability. Even if you can speak Japanese he wants to study English more now than ever so that he can speak to his girlfriend in her mother tongue. Don't be surprised if you find a few English books lying around his house or stuffed away in his backpack during your date.
9.) He Talks About Your Future Together as a Couple
He is already making plans or speaks about the possibility of them as though he knows it will happen with certainty. HE may has slipped hints about plans for the summer or for your future home and family.
10.) He Replies Fast
He is excited to hear from you and wants to get back to you as soon as possible. He always gets back to you within a reasonable amount of time. Even is he is a salaryman he replies within a reasonable amount of time.
11.) He Buys You Gifts Just Because
This guy doesn't just buy you lingerie fro White Day or a cake for your birthday but he thinks about you when he is alone and wants to make you look and feel good. He knows that you love red and he sees how worn out your old bag is so he buys you a nice handbag. He knows that you love Sailor Moon so he gets a key-chain with your favorite character on it. He isn't stingy when he shops for you and will buy both cheap and expensive things for you every so often.
12.) He Contacts You Throughout The Week
He doesn't wait for you to ask him for a date or for you to send him a simple greeting by text. He initiates conversations and will try his best to keep the conversation going.
13. He is Worried About Your Perception of Him
He is worried about wearing something that you don't like or looking dirty or feminine to you. If you express to him that you don't like that strange hat that he got at the flee market, or tat strong cologne that wreaks of "old man" then he won't wear it again.
14. He Tries to Make You Feel At Home
He will try to be a gentleman and more romantic because he knows that is what you'd expect from a man in your culture. He will find food that you are used to eating etc. to make you feel at home. He may feel embarrassed or shy about holding hands, hugging, or kissing you in public but he will make an exception for you when appropriate.
15. He Voluntarily Helps You Get Settled in Japan
He cares about you and wants you to enjoy your stay in Japan. He tries his best to help you set up things in your name and to pay bills. He acts as a free translator for you. If you need help with arranging deliveries or finding something at the store he is there to make suggestions. He offers to handle tricky phone calls and will assist you at the hospital or find the best one for you to go to when needed.
16. He Wants to Live Together
He loves and trusts you so much that he wants to stay with you. He can't get enough of you and enjoys being together. He makes plans for the two of you to get a place that you can share. He suggests this on his own without you asking or begging him to do so.
17. He Remembers The Little Things About You
Even if he is normally a rather forgetful person, he makes an effort to remember the little things that you tell him. He knows when your cat's birthday is and that your sisters favorite color is green. If you told him that your favorite nail polish color is coral he won't forget these things.
18. He is Not Embarrassed/Ashamed to be Seen Together in Public With You
He doesn't try to hide you from the public. He wants you to go to events with him. He wants to be seen with you because he is proud of you. He doesn't feel embarrassed if you act like you are his girlfriend in public because he knows that you truly are and he wants everyone else to watch in envy.
19. He Feels Embarrassed if You Pay for The Date or Try to Split The Bill
This guy doesn't pretend to have left his wallet at home. He comes prepared for the date. In his culture it is expected that the man should pay for the entirety of the date. Special occasions like when he is sick, it's his birthday, he's injured, or if he had a bad day are appropriate for you to step in and pay but if he is serious about you the thought of you trying to cover the date or pay for half of it makes him not feel masculine and rather embarrassed.
20. He is Overprotective and Easily Becomes Jealous
He worries about you lifting heavy things and getting sick. He tries to protect you from traffic and creepy men. He might express feeling jealous or uncomfortable with you meeting with male friends or students as he worries that it might be a date.
21. He Wants to Take Pictures of You Together as a Couple and of You Alone
He wants to have pictures to show his family and friends and not just something that is sexually suggestive that can also be used as blackmail potentiality. He wants to take a cute picture of you standing next to the flowers in your cute maxi dress at the park and another picture of the two of you looking over the city. He wants to remember the real you when he looks at his phone and not just lust over your body when he feels horny and wants to masturbate.
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